On Monday evening I went to the airport to pick Cam up from heart camp. The young man who greeted me seemed more mature than the one Craig took to the airport 5 days earlier. This is what camp is supposed to do for him, let him grow, encourage him to be independent. All the things that break Mom's hearts. I was admittedly sad that night when I took him home and put him to bed. He shared his stories from camp and chattered about new friends, but something seemed different. The next day he was emotional, "camp letdown" I like to call it as being home and back to school is never as much fun as camp was for him. He clung to me and wanted to spend the whole day with me.
Everywhere I turn these days there are contradictions with Cam. I know it is part of the growing up process, messy, splintered, one step forward, two steps back, and on and on until he is ready to go out on his own. Most days him and I manage this well, dancing around this struggle as he slowly pulls away. There are moments I miss the little boy who held my hand, ran to my side, snuggled with me at every turn. Truly though I am so proud of the person he is becoming. Trust me he has his moments, but overall Cam is empathetic, caring, kind, he thinks of others and has a firecracker of a personality. He entertains and dazzles me, talks my ear off, and is the ringleader of mischief at our house. His counselors from camp made a point of coming up to me to tell me how much they enjoyed having Cam in their cabin, his easygoing personality making an impression on them as he has so many others over the past 9 years. I am amazed to watch him grow, but there are moments my heart aches as I go through the letting go process one step at a time. I don't think it will ever get any easier, but yet I look forward to meeting the man he will become...
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